Picking Up the Pieces

A very rainy afternoon in San José gives me time to write my last post from Costa Rica. The rainy season here has actually given me more time to write throughout the trip than I anticipated, actually. Anyways, I thought I would share some of the insight I have gained travelling alone the last three weeks. I think this kind of insight is worth sharing.

Today I find myself back at Hostel Pangea, which was my first stop upon arriving in Costa Rica. It feels a bit like book-ends closing a chapter in my life that I could never have written if I tried. Yesterday, I lay on the beach at Santa Teresa and listened to my ipod for pretty much the first time since I left Canada. The songs sent me on a roller coaster of memories, walking me down memory lane and the soundtrack of recent life experience. Music does that to me. I love the artistry and sound of it, but I also love the way it bring back vivid images for me. Some songs remind me of people while other songs can take me right back to a particular place and time.

I shed a few happy tears as I lay on that beach, my feet pointing towards the vast stretch of water of the Pacific Ocean. Fond memories of Kingston and my last year at Queen’s were triggered by a number of songs. I remember being in a place in my life where so much was familiar and established. Four years at the same school had created that for me – a sense of place, identity, and belonging. An open road may ahead beyond graduation, but for a time, I knew who I was (or so I thought I did!) At the same time, I was ready to move on. It makes me wonder if we are even meant to feel like we totally comfortable somewhere. Life is more interesting for me when I change my surroundings, even if it just means leaving something familiar for a short time (through travel, for instance).

When you go back to that familiar place, you re-integrate yourself back in. You bring in a bit of the old and the new, like re-trying a recipe with results hopefully better than the last batch!

Going beyond our usual comforts exposes exciting parts of ourselves that have been hidden or that lay dormant beneath years of accumulated assumptions. In the process of finding ourselves and our sense of belonging in a particular place, we adopt new qualities and shed certain parts of ourselves for the sake of fitting in. Familiarity can force us into a certain form that we assume around the people we love, at our jobs, in our community, and group of friends.

What part of you have let go of for the sake of fitting in and feeling comfortable?

The characteristics that we shed are often what set us apart from others. So, go pick up the pieces of you that you left behind! Do what you have to do to find them.

I found a gentle and quiet spirit that thirsts for solitude and peace both inside and amongst others. (Part of this is that I have rediscovered that I really am a capital ¨I¨ introvert). That part of me was always there, but now I really know that it is something I need in my life – daily. The times that I get frazzled and lose awareness of myself in the midst of situations I encounter usually arise because I have not taken the time to find stillness. I need to re-energize by going inward.

When you sense  anger arising, seek stillness. When you can’t handle the stress, seek stillness, even if it is just for 10 seconds. When you feel yourself reacting out of character, excuse yourself, and seek stillness.

By re-centering ourselves in stillness we can truly be present and authentic not just to others, but to ourselves.

© Meghan J. Ward, 2009.