Sometimes talking to people you don’t know can be the most awkward thing in the world. And sometimes it is easier than talking to people you have known forever.
The past few days have led me to some strange encounters with, well, strangers. Yesterday, I was sitting at Starbucks catching up on emails and some of my writing assignments. I had been sitting there for quite sometime and was just about to leave (had nothing in particular to go to right away, I might add) when the man sitting next to me said to me, “you look like you’re from around here.” Hearing this statement is a regular occurence at Starbucks for me, which at this time of year is filled with tourists and visitors. This man proceeded to ask me where he might find a nice outdoor patio in Banff where he could read and write. After asking what he did for a living (writer) and where he was from (all over the place, but eventually Idaho), he asked me what I did. After telling him I was a budding freelance writer, we began the most interesting conversation. The way he was speaking to me at times sounded exactly like one of my favourite writers, Eckhart Tolle, and after telling him so, we agreed that both our lives had been changed by this man’s books. We were well on our way to connecting on many levels throughout our seemingly random conversation, which was both completely surprising and at the same time, very timely.
This one person was able to help me find total clarity in the direction of my life right now, the things I recently decided to commit my time and energy to (mostly, freelancing), and gave me some viable options of how to synthesize my interests so that I wasn’t spread so thin. There is a good chance this man is reading this blog right now since I left him my blog address, so if you are – thank you. It was one of those conversations that affirmed me in many ways without him knowing it, proving to me the value in being open to speaking to people you may not know, but with whom you connect so instantly that conversation naturally flows.
This leads me now to the other side of the equation. I did an experiment today at work, where for the last 30 minutes of standing at the front doors to the store, I said a genuine ‘hello,’ looking into the eyes of the visitors, and awaited their reply. In total I did this with 16 different people. Without judging the people beyond their response, I tracked what came from them after my friendly ‘hello.’ I will do it again with more people, but the numbers gave me a good insight into the world we live in today.
3 people flat out ignored me or walked past me without saying anything in reply. I could add many more people to this number, who were visiting with the person I said the specific ‘hello’ to and also did not respond to my greeting.
8 people said a quick or curt ‘hello’ without making any eye contact. Many seemed to answer out of obligation.
5 people looked me back in the eyes and said a friendly, intentional ‘hello’ in return. Interestingly, 3 of these people were tourists from non-English speaking countries.
What this shows me is that we are generally conditioned by a social experience based on a lack of genuity and sincerity. The traditional retail environment does this to us. Sales clerks say a simply ‘hello’ because they are supposed to. Usually their next question is “can I help you find something today,” which for 90% of customers or guests is an irritating question. In fact, I have had many people actually answer “No, thanks” in reply to my otherwise straightforward question: “How are you doing today?” People just want to browse on their own at first, unless they have a specific question or item they are looking for. We are used to brushing off people because we are tired of responding to their empty greetings.
A simple experiment can be made also walking down the street and smiling at people you pass. Watch how many people smile back, look down, or pretend they don’t see you. Genuine friendliness with strangers and neighbours seems to have been lost amidst the falseness and lack of authenticity we are all so used to. It will be a struggle to get it back to a place where it is believable and reciprocated, and it starts with each of us as individuals.
My barista here at the coffee shop where I am writing provides me with a great example of how to be genuinely friendly. Each guest she has served, she has greeted with a friendly hello. Each one is important to her. The repetitive questions don’t seem to phase her. She looks at her guests in the eyes and asks them what their preferences are. And she thanks them when they are finished ordering.
In addition to being the friendly one, we also need to be open to friendliness. Next time, walk into that store and say a friendly hello back. You are sure to get better service, a more honest opinion, and a more personable, positive, and encouraging experience overall.
Each encounter we have, with a stranger or not, could be an opportunity for change, in our own lives, in theirs, even if it’s just turning a bad day into a good day.
© Meghan J. Ward, 2009.
