The Wax of our Thoughts

A short-lived Fall season has brought with it a time of introspection and deep reflection. Winter hit before Fall even had the chance to show its vibrant and colourful face, the needles of the golden larches thrown from their branchy homes by a cold wind and premature snowfall.

Reflection calls us to rest and take toll. But the passing time and the passing seasons are eager to move us onward. I want to understand and constantly want to process before moving on to the next phase. Sometimes these things must happen simultaneously, but we must walk into the future with our eyes facing forward and our hearts facing in all directions.

I’ve always been nostalgic in the Fall. The smell of leaves saying their last goodbyes brings back memories from childhood of heroic leaps into giant piles of leaves that were, in reality, only two and a half feet high. We used to collect leaves along the trail in the forest behind my parents’ house and take them home to dip them in wax. We hoped to keep them alive just a little bit longer, preserving the memory of their colours, holding onto the life within them.

The Child at Heart

Aren’t our memories and experiences the same? In times of reflection, we dip them in the wax of our thoughts and hold them dear, as though our efforts to preserve the good things will actually keep them alive. But, time passes and things change. Leaves rot and decay, returning to the earth with a humble funeral, leaving behind only the promise that colour will return once again in the Spring.

At times, my introspection leads me to places more complex than I have time to deal with. These are leaves I do not wish to preserve, nor do I wish to even pick up to inspect.  With no clear direction amidst conflicting and lonely thoughts, I am tempted to build a giant pile of leaves and jump in it, as if somehow a more childish approach will simplify life. But, my aunt recently introduced me to a poem by Jelaluddin Rumi that seems to express something that I haven’t been able to. One particular passage goes as follows:

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

It’s not always easy, but if I can greet my conflicting thoughts  and confusion at the door laughing, then perhaps they will giggle with me. Or maybe just jumping in leaves really is the solution.

© Meghan J. Ward, 2009.

My First 10km Road Race Ever

At the Finish Line

A month ago I had the chance for a spot in a road race that is usually sold out the day registration open. Melissa’s Road Race is a popular Banff road race and has been awarded as one of the best road races in Alberta. Sponsored by the famous Melissa’s Restaurant (a place my parents used to take us to at a very young age), the race is an exciting gathering of locals and runners from all over the province.

So I had my chance to run. I always wanted to sign up for Melissa’s Road Race with the intention of having a goal to work towards. I also wanted to overcome a major fear of mine that I’d developed from bad experiences running track in elementary school: racing of any kind… especially among a large group of people.

Anyways, I had only a month to ‘train’ and I had to just trust that the hiking and climbing I had been doing all summer would help me out. Still, I hadn’t been for a run since May and sprained my ankle in August, so I was feeling a bit skeptical. All I managed to do before the race was run a 9.25 km route and a 4 km route.

Showing up on the race day, I felt a little bit silly… that is until I saw the kind of ‘racers’ that were there. Being a popular road race celebrating its 30th year, there must have been years that some of these people ran, but as time wore on, it turns out they were now settling to walk the whole way. This gave me a bit of a boost of confidence despite the super-runners that were stretching in unimaginable ways beside me.

My iPod pumping tunes in my ears, I was surprised by how fast I was going, but some unseen force was definitely driving me onwards (even up the hill on Tunnel Mountain). I crossed the finish line with a time of 58 minutes and a pace of 5:48 per kilometre. Is that good? I don’t know.

All I know is that I had a blast and overcome one of my major fears. Amazing.

© Meghan J. Ward, 2009.

Strange(r) Encounters

Sometimes talking to people you don’t know can be the most awkward thing in the world. And sometimes it is easier than talking to people you have known forever.

The past few days have led me to some strange encounters with, well, strangers. Yesterday, I was sitting at Starbucks catching up on emails and some of my writing assignments. I had been sitting there for quite sometime and was just about to leave (had nothing in particular to go to right away, I might add) when the man sitting next to me said to me, “you look like you’re from around here.”  Hearing this statement is a regular occurence at Starbucks for me, which at this time of year is filled with tourists and visitors. This man proceeded to ask me where he might find a nice outdoor patio in Banff where he could read and write. After asking what he did for a living (writer) and where he was from (all over the place, but eventually Idaho), he asked me what I did. After telling him I was a budding freelance writer, we began the most interesting conversation. The way he was speaking to me at times sounded exactly like one of my favourite writers, Eckhart Tolle, and after telling him so, we agreed that both our lives had been changed by this man’s books. We were well on our way to connecting on many levels throughout our seemingly random conversation, which was both completely surprising and at the same time, very timely.

This one person was able to help me find total clarity in the direction of my life right now, the things I recently decided to commit my time and energy to (mostly, freelancing), and gave me some viable options of how to synthesize my interests so that I wasn’t spread so thin. There is a good chance this man is reading this blog right now since I left him my blog address, so if you are – thank you. It was one of those conversations that affirmed me in many ways without him knowing it, proving to me the value in being open to speaking to people you may not know, but with whom you connect so instantly that conversation naturally flows.

This leads me now to the other side of the equation. I did an experiment today at work, where for the last 30 minutes of standing at the front doors to the store, I said a genuine ‘hello,’ looking into the eyes of the visitors, and awaited their reply. In total I did this with 16 different people. Without judging the people beyond their response, I tracked what came from them after my friendly ‘hello.’ I will do it again with more people, but the numbers gave me a good insight into the world we live in today.

3 people flat out ignored me or walked past me without saying anything in reply. I could add many more people to this number, who were visiting with the person I said the specific ‘hello’ to and also did not respond to my greeting.

8 people said a quick or curt ‘hello’ without making any eye contact. Many seemed to answer out of obligation.

5 people looked me back in the eyes and said a friendly, intentional ‘hello’ in return. Interestingly, 3 of these people were tourists from non-English speaking countries.

What this shows me is that we are generally conditioned by a social experience based on a lack of genuity and sincerity. The traditional retail environment does this to us. Sales clerks say a simply ‘hello’ because they are supposed to. Usually their next question is “can I help you find something today,” which for 90% of customers or guests is an irritating question. In fact, I have had many people actually answer “No, thanks” in reply to my otherwise straightforward question: “How are you doing today?” People just want to browse on their own at first, unless they have a specific question or item they are looking for. We are used to brushing off people because we are tired of responding to their empty greetings.

A simple experiment can be made also walking down the street and smiling at people you pass. Watch how many people smile back, look down, or pretend they don’t see you. Genuine friendliness with strangers and neighbours seems to have been lost amidst the falseness and lack of authenticity we are all so used to. It will be a struggle to get it back to a place where it is believable and reciprocated, and it starts with each of us as individuals.

My barista here at the coffee shop where I am writing provides me with a great example of how to be genuinely friendly. Each guest she has served, she has greeted with a friendly hello. Each one is important to her. The repetitive questions don’t seem to phase her. She looks at her guests in the eyes and asks them what their preferences are. And she thanks them when they are finished ordering.

In addition to being the friendly one, we also need to be open to friendliness. Next time, walk into that store and say a friendly hello back. You are sure to get better service, a more honest opinion, and a more personable, positive, and encouraging experience overall.

Each encounter we have, with a stranger or not, could be an opportunity for change, in our own lives, in theirs, even if it’s just turning a bad day into a good day.

© Meghan J. Ward, 2009.

Ten Rules to Live and Love By

The following article was posted on Oprah.com this week, and I thought it held some truths worth sharing! In a `me-centered` culture, it is so important to live in Oneness with our partner, to learn each day as we learn to love, and  respect our partner and ourselves.

Read on, and enjoy!

Meghan

Ten Rules to Live and Love By (originally posted on Oprah.com)

Seeing your partner through the lens of love rather than fear automatically elevates the relationship to a higher plane. When you can get quiet and note when you are projecting fear, you can make the adjustment to see through a different filter. So often we feel indignant or incensed, but upon closer inspection we will find that we are really afraid. Once we assume our partner’s core goodness rather than focusing on their “guilt,” they will be more free to show us their best, which accelerates the process of shifting our perspective from one of blame and anxiety to one of acceptance and peace.

Being willing to forgive yourself and your partner, and to make amends when necessary is an ongoing process of cleanup. We all make mistakes; it’s human. But when we hold fast to a grudge it eats away at our sense of peace and serenity. If you aren’t willing to forgive, you might ask yourself what habit of ego you’re attached to. Do you want to continue life with unresolved issues hanging over you?

When we take a stand and refuse to let go of something, we can always find evidence to justify it. Or we can try to make peace. Instead of blaming or making excuses, we can clean things up and move forward. This is not an excuse for staying in a dysfunctional situation, but an opportunity to see innocence. Once we do that, we gain—or

Photo by: Meghan Ward

give—freedom to move out of a “stuck” place.

Relaxing when times get tough; assuming that “this too shall pass” allows you to roll with the punches. If you know things will inevitably arise to challenge you, you can be more detached when they do. Problems become worse when we dig in our heels and try to force a solution. By relaxing into whatever struggle arises, we remain flexible and open to inspiration and insight.

Even if you have a hard time letting go, you can at least observe yourself taking things very seriously, which in itself helps to detach you from the experience of anxiety. Whatever is happening now won’t be happening a year from now, so just keep breathing through the situation and see if you can take things a little less seriously.

Seeing in the dynamic of the relationship the reflection of what you need to learn helps bring you back to what is important. Sometimes we get lost in the chatter of day-to-day patterns and lose sight of the soul’s mandate to bring us closer to realizing our Oneness. The best way to see where we need to work on things is to observe who we are and what we do within the context of a relationship. Any time you recognize your impulse to create distance rather than intimacy, you can make the adjustment and get back on track.

This relationship, as with all relationships, is part of a curriculum to evolve into our highest potential. We come to know ourselves by how we interact with our partner, and by so doing we come to know Spirit.

When you don’t know how to handle a problem, pray and meditate, surrendering the decisions to Spirit. Praying and meditating aligns your limited energy with that which is all-powerful. Of course we don’t have all the answers, but by consigning our limitations to our Higher Power, our burden is lifted. We need to be accountable for our words and actions and be willing to work through where we are stuck. We need to stay present and forgive. Beyond that, our creative power is fueled by Spirit. By praying, we ask for help and guidance; by meditating we clear our minds so that the answer will become apparent. By moving aside, we create an opening for God to work miracles in ways we could never imagine.

Honoring your partner’s path and allow them the space to find their own way sends a clear message of respect. People need to work things out in their own manner and in their own time. If you try to help where help is not requested, you are signaling your lack of belief in your partner. If you back off and assume someone is strong and intelligent, strength and intelligence are what they will likely find.

Although we are all on this path of realization and expansion together, each of us is unique in our lessons to be learned; the way you do something might be totally different than how someone else needs to process a situation. Rest assured that Spirit is at work in all of our lives, and give yourself a rest from overseeing your partner’s personal business.

Keeping up your personal growth work means you will keep your mind sharp and your awareness keen. Read, study, and attend lectures; don’t rest on the laurels of what you think you already know. The moment we think we have it all figured out is the moment things will come crashing down around us. Arrogance leaves no room for intimacy or growth, and is certainly not part of a spiritual curriculum. When you immerse yourself in learning, you will always have new skills and interests to apply to a relationship, and thus the relationship will always feel fresh and relevant.

Following the path of your own creativity keeps you attuned to that which moves and inspires you. As you indulge your creative side, you become less dependent on your partner to feel whole. Creative energy is the force that breaks new ground. To sustain love, we need to continually fuel whatever inspires us on the deepest level. Also, creativity balances out the egoic and intellectual side of life; it teaches us to play and have fun. When we engage our passions, we radiate passionate energy and thus maintain the interest of our partner as well as having your own sense of fulfillment.

Staying present keeps us in the moment which is where life is. Life does not exist in future predictions or past grievances; all we have for sure is right here and right now. Every moment teaches us something, and if we are busily trying to change or control something we miss the grace intended for us.

By allowing the sacred mystery to unfold without trying to tamper with it, we can move through anything with much more ease and simplicity. As we cease resisting, any so-called negative situation or emotion will have the space to work out. And by the same token, when we are completely alert and aware in any given moment, we are open to the subtle miracles happening all around us. By staying present, we will see our partner for who they are; we will hear clearly their communication and respond to it astutely.

 

Being grateful for what you have zeros in on what is working, which in turn magnetizes more of the same. Where you put your focus is where you direct your creative intention; so if you want abundance, be grateful for the vitality you have now. If you want a soulful relationship, be grateful for the soulful moments. Gratitude is like a seed you plant; it grows more as it is watered and nourished. Show your partner what you appreciate in them and let them know that they have a positive effect in your life. The acknowledgement of good will call forth more of the same.