Strange(r) Encounters

Sometimes talking to people you don’t know can be the most awkward thing in the world. And sometimes it is easier than talking to people you have known forever.

The past few days have led me to some strange encounters with, well, strangers. Yesterday, I was sitting at Starbucks catching up on emails and some of my writing assignments. I had been sitting there for quite sometime and was just about to leave (had nothing in particular to go to right away, I might add) when the man sitting next to me said to me, “you look like you’re from around here.”  Hearing this statement is a regular occurence at Starbucks for me, which at this time of year is filled with tourists and visitors. This man proceeded to ask me where he might find a nice outdoor patio in Banff where he could read and write. After asking what he did for a living (writer) and where he was from (all over the place, but eventually Idaho), he asked me what I did. After telling him I was a budding freelance writer, we began the most interesting conversation. The way he was speaking to me at times sounded exactly like one of my favourite writers, Eckhart Tolle, and after telling him so, we agreed that both our lives had been changed by this man’s books. We were well on our way to connecting on many levels throughout our seemingly random conversation, which was both completely surprising and at the same time, very timely.

This one person was able to help me find total clarity in the direction of my life right now, the things I recently decided to commit my time and energy to (mostly, freelancing), and gave me some viable options of how to synthesize my interests so that I wasn’t spread so thin. There is a good chance this man is reading this blog right now since I left him my blog address, so if you are – thank you. It was one of those conversations that affirmed me in many ways without him knowing it, proving to me the value in being open to speaking to people you may not know, but with whom you connect so instantly that conversation naturally flows.

This leads me now to the other side of the equation. I did an experiment today at work, where for the last 30 minutes of standing at the front doors to the store, I said a genuine ‘hello,’ looking into the eyes of the visitors, and awaited their reply. In total I did this with 16 different people. Without judging the people beyond their response, I tracked what came from them after my friendly ‘hello.’ I will do it again with more people, but the numbers gave me a good insight into the world we live in today.

3 people flat out ignored me or walked past me without saying anything in reply. I could add many more people to this number, who were visiting with the person I said the specific ‘hello’ to and also did not respond to my greeting.

8 people said a quick or curt ‘hello’ without making any eye contact. Many seemed to answer out of obligation.

5 people looked me back in the eyes and said a friendly, intentional ‘hello’ in return. Interestingly, 3 of these people were tourists from non-English speaking countries.

What this shows me is that we are generally conditioned by a social experience based on a lack of genuity and sincerity. The traditional retail environment does this to us. Sales clerks say a simply ‘hello’ because they are supposed to. Usually their next question is “can I help you find something today,” which for 90% of customers or guests is an irritating question. In fact, I have had many people actually answer “No, thanks” in reply to my otherwise straightforward question: “How are you doing today?” People just want to browse on their own at first, unless they have a specific question or item they are looking for. We are used to brushing off people because we are tired of responding to their empty greetings.

A simple experiment can be made also walking down the street and smiling at people you pass. Watch how many people smile back, look down, or pretend they don’t see you. Genuine friendliness with strangers and neighbours seems to have been lost amidst the falseness and lack of authenticity we are all so used to. It will be a struggle to get it back to a place where it is believable and reciprocated, and it starts with each of us as individuals.

My barista here at the coffee shop where I am writing provides me with a great example of how to be genuinely friendly. Each guest she has served, she has greeted with a friendly hello. Each one is important to her. The repetitive questions don’t seem to phase her. She looks at her guests in the eyes and asks them what their preferences are. And she thanks them when they are finished ordering.

In addition to being the friendly one, we also need to be open to friendliness. Next time, walk into that store and say a friendly hello back. You are sure to get better service, a more honest opinion, and a more personable, positive, and encouraging experience overall.

Each encounter we have, with a stranger or not, could be an opportunity for change, in our own lives, in theirs, even if it’s just turning a bad day into a good day.

© Meghan J. Ward, 2009.

Home Away From Home

I have some friends that have been in my life for almost 5 years now, and for some of them I am learning only now just how different life ‘back at home’ is for each of us. Something in the immediate binds us. Commonalities and closeness are found in our current interests and experiences. But life where we each grew up, that place that formed and shaped us for the first 18 or 19 years of our lives, is foreign and almost incomprehensible. Like a fish looking up through the water to a bird soaring above, at some point our lives met on the surface of the sea. We now splash around as if we always have, forgetting the places we come from. For some people, I may as well be from a different planet altogether. The experiences of our past threaten to prevent us from truly understanding each other if our differences cannot simply be accepted for what they are: different.

At some point, the people that shared common interests or experiences with me were part of my upbringing, part of the community that witnessed my growth and maturity from a child through adolescence and into my late teens. You could say they were part of my life when I simply accepted what was and didn’t question it. I have often heard that children simply adapt to the environment in which they are raised. While something might be different from the experience of another child, their experience is ‘normal’ to them and can go unquestioned until they enter into a deeper dialogue with other children, usually upon entering the school system. I remember when church life and school life is what bonded me to others. That was my life. That is where I spent my time, met my friends, and interacted with them.

But in the air around us are different gusts that can take us in a different direction if we allow them to carry us beyond the experience we know. We need to only spread our wings and let ourselves get carried away. Like it or not, this involves also letting go of the path that we know, but only for awhile. We need not fear to lose that part of our lives. Our upbringing is deeply ingrained in us and cannot be separated from us. Eventually we learn how to fly on more than one stream of air at a time.

Some people return to their roots. Some never leave home to begin with. Some return to home only slightly. Some feel that they find a place that they come from even though they weren’t born there, as if ‘home’ was something to be found later on in life.  Some find a home that in no way replaces the one where they were raised but rather acts like  a summer home for the soul – that place where you really feel at peace with life and everything you have discovered and adopted.

My home away from home, in the mountains, is where I now share most in common with the people in my life, but the homes we each left behind couldn’t be more different. But this shouldn’t separate us. It is a wealth of knowledge and experiences to be explored. It is an opportunity to walk in someone else’s shoes, but in retrospect. It is a portal through which we can access the world of another person, learn from their mistakes, learn to celebrate their joys, and be open to what was ‘normal’ to them.

© Meghan J. Ward, 2009.

Ten Rules to Live and Love By

The following article was posted on Oprah.com this week, and I thought it held some truths worth sharing! In a `me-centered` culture, it is so important to live in Oneness with our partner, to learn each day as we learn to love, and  respect our partner and ourselves.

Read on, and enjoy!

Meghan

Ten Rules to Live and Love By (originally posted on Oprah.com)

Seeing your partner through the lens of love rather than fear automatically elevates the relationship to a higher plane. When you can get quiet and note when you are projecting fear, you can make the adjustment to see through a different filter. So often we feel indignant or incensed, but upon closer inspection we will find that we are really afraid. Once we assume our partner’s core goodness rather than focusing on their “guilt,” they will be more free to show us their best, which accelerates the process of shifting our perspective from one of blame and anxiety to one of acceptance and peace.

Being willing to forgive yourself and your partner, and to make amends when necessary is an ongoing process of cleanup. We all make mistakes; it’s human. But when we hold fast to a grudge it eats away at our sense of peace and serenity. If you aren’t willing to forgive, you might ask yourself what habit of ego you’re attached to. Do you want to continue life with unresolved issues hanging over you?

When we take a stand and refuse to let go of something, we can always find evidence to justify it. Or we can try to make peace. Instead of blaming or making excuses, we can clean things up and move forward. This is not an excuse for staying in a dysfunctional situation, but an opportunity to see innocence. Once we do that, we gain—or

Photo by: Meghan Ward

give—freedom to move out of a “stuck” place.

Relaxing when times get tough; assuming that “this too shall pass” allows you to roll with the punches. If you know things will inevitably arise to challenge you, you can be more detached when they do. Problems become worse when we dig in our heels and try to force a solution. By relaxing into whatever struggle arises, we remain flexible and open to inspiration and insight.

Even if you have a hard time letting go, you can at least observe yourself taking things very seriously, which in itself helps to detach you from the experience of anxiety. Whatever is happening now won’t be happening a year from now, so just keep breathing through the situation and see if you can take things a little less seriously.

Seeing in the dynamic of the relationship the reflection of what you need to learn helps bring you back to what is important. Sometimes we get lost in the chatter of day-to-day patterns and lose sight of the soul’s mandate to bring us closer to realizing our Oneness. The best way to see where we need to work on things is to observe who we are and what we do within the context of a relationship. Any time you recognize your impulse to create distance rather than intimacy, you can make the adjustment and get back on track.

This relationship, as with all relationships, is part of a curriculum to evolve into our highest potential. We come to know ourselves by how we interact with our partner, and by so doing we come to know Spirit.

When you don’t know how to handle a problem, pray and meditate, surrendering the decisions to Spirit. Praying and meditating aligns your limited energy with that which is all-powerful. Of course we don’t have all the answers, but by consigning our limitations to our Higher Power, our burden is lifted. We need to be accountable for our words and actions and be willing to work through where we are stuck. We need to stay present and forgive. Beyond that, our creative power is fueled by Spirit. By praying, we ask for help and guidance; by meditating we clear our minds so that the answer will become apparent. By moving aside, we create an opening for God to work miracles in ways we could never imagine.

Honoring your partner’s path and allow them the space to find their own way sends a clear message of respect. People need to work things out in their own manner and in their own time. If you try to help where help is not requested, you are signaling your lack of belief in your partner. If you back off and assume someone is strong and intelligent, strength and intelligence are what they will likely find.

Although we are all on this path of realization and expansion together, each of us is unique in our lessons to be learned; the way you do something might be totally different than how someone else needs to process a situation. Rest assured that Spirit is at work in all of our lives, and give yourself a rest from overseeing your partner’s personal business.

Keeping up your personal growth work means you will keep your mind sharp and your awareness keen. Read, study, and attend lectures; don’t rest on the laurels of what you think you already know. The moment we think we have it all figured out is the moment things will come crashing down around us. Arrogance leaves no room for intimacy or growth, and is certainly not part of a spiritual curriculum. When you immerse yourself in learning, you will always have new skills and interests to apply to a relationship, and thus the relationship will always feel fresh and relevant.

Following the path of your own creativity keeps you attuned to that which moves and inspires you. As you indulge your creative side, you become less dependent on your partner to feel whole. Creative energy is the force that breaks new ground. To sustain love, we need to continually fuel whatever inspires us on the deepest level. Also, creativity balances out the egoic and intellectual side of life; it teaches us to play and have fun. When we engage our passions, we radiate passionate energy and thus maintain the interest of our partner as well as having your own sense of fulfillment.

Staying present keeps us in the moment which is where life is. Life does not exist in future predictions or past grievances; all we have for sure is right here and right now. Every moment teaches us something, and if we are busily trying to change or control something we miss the grace intended for us.

By allowing the sacred mystery to unfold without trying to tamper with it, we can move through anything with much more ease and simplicity. As we cease resisting, any so-called negative situation or emotion will have the space to work out. And by the same token, when we are completely alert and aware in any given moment, we are open to the subtle miracles happening all around us. By staying present, we will see our partner for who they are; we will hear clearly their communication and respond to it astutely.

 

Being grateful for what you have zeros in on what is working, which in turn magnetizes more of the same. Where you put your focus is where you direct your creative intention; so if you want abundance, be grateful for the vitality you have now. If you want a soulful relationship, be grateful for the soulful moments. Gratitude is like a seed you plant; it grows more as it is watered and nourished. Show your partner what you appreciate in them and let them know that they have a positive effect in your life. The acknowledgement of good will call forth more of the same.